Hey look, I designed some ties to wear to book events. Good times. That is all. (Art by Philippe Petit-Roulet.)

So as some of you know, I'm a big baseball fan, specifically of the Philadelphia Phillies. I almost wrote "long-suffering baseball fan" because "long-suffering" almost always went with "Phillies fan" for my whole life. But of course this year we are defending world champions! (Yes, I'm one of those guys who says "we" as if I'm on the team. Sorry.) I didn't actually get to go to any play-off games last year although I did go in 2007 when we lost in the first round to the Rockies. This year we play the Rockies again and again my Dad got me a ticket. Thanks, Dad. You rule. I'm going to Game One on Wednesday!

When I went last time, my friend Bill came along and we had a great time. Bill & I like to heckle a bit (Bill also does a really funny thing where he tries to yell the vaguest encouragement ever, like "Win!" He'll just yell "Win!" in this serious voice at the players while shaking his fist. "Hey you. Win the game!" Cracks me up.) Anyway since we're playing the Rockies again, I thought I'd share some of our Rockies zingers from '07. They still zing.

Todd Helton = Smelton. Easy. Also "Hey Todd, you smell ... a ton!"

Troy Tulowitzki - Sorry to work blue here, but you pretty much have to call him "Pool-of-sh*t-ski."

Dexter Fowler - He wasn't on the team in 2007 so I had to do some brain-storming. I came up with "Dexter, you're Fouler than Pool-of-sh*t-ski." I also might go with "I know why your name isn't Dexter Home-run-er, it's because you only hit foul balls and not very many home runs." Rolls right off the tongue.

Garrett Atkins- "Hey Atkins, I tried your diet and I'm still fat."

Yorvit Torrealba - His name pretty much sounds like "You're Terrible" so we went with that. Also Torrealba is a foreign-sounding name so Bill kept yelling "Go back to Russia," which is always a classic.

Ryan Spilborghs "Hey Spilborghs, you're about to have a Close Encounter with the Third Strike!" Feel pretty good about that one.

Seth Smith - Not much you can do with that, but I happen to know his real name is "Garry." I'm just going to yell "Garry" at him in hopes it will confuse him. Also, who spells Garry with two r's? I might try to make that a chant. "Who spells Garry with two r's? Who spells Garry with two r's? Who spells Garry with two r's?"

The starting pitcher is going to be Ubaldo Jimenez. I just plan to yell "Ubaldo" which already is pretty fun. Anyone got anything for Brad Hawpe or Clint Barmes? Please leave suggestions in comments.

Hope this helps! See you at the game. Go Phillies! Win! Win the game!

Today I interview YA author Julie Halpern! The interview includes mention of the following: Iggy Pop, Dungeons & Dragons, my unending confusion over the fact that her name sounds sort of like the title character in my book, and potholders. This makes for a pretty good interview, if I do say so myself. Julie's books are also good. In fact they are great! Her first book was a picture book called TOBY AND THE SNOWFLAKES. It was illustrated by her husband and is highly recommended by my son. Her first novel, GET WELL SOON, came out in 2007. Her new novel, INTO THE WILD NERD YONDER, comes out in a few days! (September 29, 2009) She was nice enough to let me ask some annoying questions.

(1) Hey, Hamburger Halpin, how are things going since the end of your adventures in that awesome book about you?
I am not a fat, deaf teenaged boy, if that’s what you’re asking. My name is not Hamburger. It is Julie.


(2) Wait, this is Julie? My sister? Hey I've been meaning to ask you: What should we get Mom for her birthday?

I am not your sister. Although, moms always enjoy homemade potholders. Just a suggestion. To clarify, this is Julie Halpern, author of GET WELL SOON and the brand new INTO THE WILD NERD YONDER.


(3) Ah, yes, Julie Halpern! I love your books so much! Even though the new one has ruined Krispy Kreme for me forever. Are you happy about that?

Yes. I think Krispy Kremes are grotesque. Drizzling that *stuff* all over the donuts. Although, I do enjoy their little sticks that they use to transfer the donuts from the assembly line into the box. Not that they don’t still use their fingers in addition to the stick. That place is nasty.


(4) You lived in Australia for a while? Did you ever eat a kangaroo? (Sarah Ockler did even though she's all high-and-mighty about being a vegetarian these days. She actually climbed into the pouch and ate the animal alive. OK, I made that part up, but she really ate kangaroo once.)

I did not eat kangaroo because I was a vegetarian while I lived in Australia. I still wouldn’t eat kangaroo. I only eat animals that I don’t particularly like to look at while they are alive. No, that’s not true. I only eat animals that don’t gross me out to eat. The animals I eat are the following: turkey, chicken (sometimes when it’s not all gross and veiny, which is not very often), tuna, and salmon. I don’t know what kind of “arian” that makes me. Ha! That’s kind of like “Aryan,” which I so am not. Cause I’m Jewish and all.

(5) I heard that you were in the movie "High Fidelity." Who did you play? Jack Black?

Yes, I played Jack Black in a game of cards (ha! I kill me!). But seriously, folks, I played the girl who walked behind Jon Cusack in the scene where he was at the club watching Lisa Bonet. My “character” had a boyfriend, whose hand I had to hold the whole time. Then me and my “boyfriend” had to walk up to Lisa Bonet and ask her if we could buy a CD. Even though that part wasn’t on film. But we still had to do it over and over again for like fifty thousand takes. They chose me to be in the scene, by the way, because my mom sewed me a dress for the occasion. It had aliens all over it.

(6) Please discuss your other brushes with fame. Namely, who have you met that is cooler than the fact that I have met Dr. Ruth THREE TIMES? (Pictured is just one time. But trust me.)

Just a taste of my brushes:

-I was on the Bozo show when I was 8 and got to introduce a cartoon: “It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Superman.”

-I worked as an intern on “The Adventures of Pete and Pete,” and therefore worked with that whole cast, including Iggy Pop (who introduced himself to me at the craft services table).

-I do not think this trumps your Dr. Ruth (by “met” do you mean you called her desperately seeking sex advice?), but I did run into The Frugal Gourmet once.


(7) Please explain your podcast that you create in your car and why the theme song doesn't have any guitar solos.

My podcast is called “The Neverending Commute” because my commute is neverending. I talk about random stuff and try to amuse myself and hopefully other people. My theme song is a rip on the Lamar track, “The Never-ending Story,” but does not break any copyright laws because my title does not have a hyphen. There are no guitar solos because I cannot play guitar and hold the steering wheel at the same time.

(8) OK, in all seriousness, I love your books. They are sweet and funny and surprising and I sort of want to ask a lot of questions like "Did that happen in your real life? Did that?! Did that?!!?!" But I will show some restraint and just ask you to please explain your real life experiences playing D&D and how it figures into this book:

Thank you for the very kind words. Lots of the stuff I write about did happen in real life (like the new book I’m working on where a friend fakes her own kidnapping. I really had a friend who did that). A lot of the stuff in my books also did not happen. You never know. That’s the excitement of it all!

As far as D&D, I played a little in high school with a couple of metalhead friends who introduced me to the joys of Rush and Megadeth. Then I played with some nerds in college who stopped being fun to play with when they started smoking pot. They were trying to be “cool,” but a Dungeon Master isn’t worth a turd if he’s stoned. Now I run the Dungeons and Dragons club at the middle school where I’m a librarian. It’s the most fun part of my job. When I’m not the Dungeon Master, I play an elf bard named Lulabelle who likes to knit oven mitts.

##

I don't know about you, people, but I'm really impressed that she brought potholders back around. Thanks for the great interview, Julie! I love your books & thank you so much for letting me annoy you.

LINKS
* Julie's homepage

* Julie's Neverending Commute podcast

* INTO THE WILD NERD YONDER book trailer

* Buy Julie's new book!

Fellow YA author Lara Zielin (DONUT DAYS, Putnam) is a verrrrrrry funny writer and has a verrrrrry funny blog called 'Crap I Used to Write' where she posts old writings from childhood and makes fun of them. They are unbelievable. There is one where an aardvark-beagle poops on a guy. Do I love this? Um, yes!!

Lara is also hilariously funny even when she is making fun of innocent aspiring authors' innocent young aspirations. Sure this kid is named "Josh" and shows skill with a semi-colon, but it's not me. OK, fine it is. Ha! My Mom found something I wrote at age nine. I scanned it & e-mailed it to Laura and she ... well ... wow. Check it out:
CRAP BERK USED TO WRITE

We Berks celebrated the birth of our daughter on August 15! She's adorable & exhausting. We all feel like this:

Your regularly scheduled blogcasting will resume at some point once sleep and sanity have returned. That is all.

I always thought that people who enjoyed going to hardware stores were a little weird (no offense) until I realized that for the writer, the office supply store is the hardware store. My highly scientific Twitter poll revealed that 100% of authors love office supply stores, and that 100% of my sister also agrees. I tweeted yesterday that I was going to Staples and that I would live-blog the experience. I then realized that I don't have the technology for live-blogging and that also I have a two year-old who makes regular shopping hard, much less blog shopping. I spend a lot of time trying to prevent him from eating pens or toppling office chairs. I also realized that there is an Office Max way closer to my house than a Staples. (Although there are about 8 Staples not far away at all. That seems excessive even to me.) I'm not a Staples purist; Office Max is fine with me. Are there merits to one over the other in your mind? Please discuss.

So I went to Office Max and here are some thoughts. First of all, Office Max has some weird non-office supplies such as ladies razors and Mylanta. Although possibly these are standard in some offices? Interesting. Not in any office I've ever been in or would like to be. I also noticed that they had a huge clearance section of items such as fax paper and Rolodex inserts. Ah, office supplies of the olden days, I still love you. (But not enough to you know, actually buy.) I also really enjoy office chairs and lamps. But I was there for a pen! Specifically I needed something to use to sign the DARK DAYS bookmarks I'm contributing for Cynthea Liu's fantastic fundraiser.

I'm not exactly bragging but I am sort of excited that I have been asked to sign something other than a Visa bill. The bookmarks have an aqueous finish coating, which of course is the strongest and most durable of the inline coatings. Haha, I just googled that. I didn't really know what Aqueous meant except for that the bookmarks are kind of shiny and not every pen works great. I brought a bookmark with me and tried a few pens out on in and settled on the silver Sharpie paint pen. It's oil-based and opaque and has an extra-fine point. Works great! I'm signing and signing and signing.

But I can't stop thinking about the other pens I saw! Specifically the Quad-Point 4-way Pen/Pencil. It has black ink, red ink, blue ink, and pencil! It actually is like a very classy version of those multi-colored pens we used to have in grade school where you could flip through red, green, blue, and black. Those always mystified me. How do they work?! Where does the other color go?! Anyway, it was one classy pen, let me tell you. There was also one that had a stylus. That seemed weird and sort of '90s. Do people still uses styluses? Is that the correct plural? Styli? I thought about buying one, but I lose pens all the time and couldn't justify spending the money. Or maybe I should have bought one for exactly that reason. As Mitch Hedberg said, "I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring."

But what I really wanted to buy was one of those anti-counterfeiting pens. They really sell them. I know. I'm suprised too. I guess business owners shop at Office Depot, but I kept thinking of personal use. Wouldn't it be so awesome to pull one out and check to see if every bill anyone gives you is real? If a friend owed you a twenty and out comes the pen! I don't know. It makes me laugh anyway. I didn't have too much time to play with it because of the son. I had to buy him an LED flashlight to keep him occupied, which might have been the dumbest idea ever because he keeps shining it in my face every two seconds and it is quite blinding. All in all a good trip though!

I look forward to your input regarding pens and such. Thank you.

I'm not *too* worried about it because I was also afraid for a while there that I'd be known henceforth solely as the guy who supports animal cruelty, the guy who can't tell a tractor from a mower, the pants-off dance off guy (no link there, just trust me), and the guy with the funny hair. (Actually that last one might really haunt me forever.) So yeah, I've really been enjoying the running placenta-eating humor, but I feel that some people are not kidding when they tell me they are really grossed out by it. This newest thing probably won't haunt me forever, but just to hopefully possibly wash the taste of all the placenta talk away for those to whom it does not taste good, here's some book news on the Berk Blog!

(1) It's probably not all that exciting to anyone except for me & my Dad, but we Berks are excited that my book cover is on the various online places such as Amazon. It has the book description up & my little author bio and is looking like it's a real book!


(2) I completed the edits on what's known as the "2nd pass pages" of DARK DAYS. The book has been edited way more than two times (like 200 maybe? or more?) but (in my case anyway) this refers to the 2nd pass through once it's been designed and set as a real book! The ARC (advanced reading copy) was the result of a million rounds of editing but was technically the first pass and had lots of errors in it. So I went through the ARC as did my friends and family and Knopf's editors and copy-editors and we circled the various errors. That gets sent back to my editor who inputs the changes and prints out the 2nd pass. Much less error free! CORRECTION: There are now many less errors! (It is really funny to me that I made an error in my sentence about correcting errors)

It's looking really good and really really close to being done, done, DONE! (Much like the difference between "liking" a girl in middle school and "like-liking" her, in publishing there is "done" and "done done," and now I'm adding "done, done, DONE!"). I had a few things to either OK or "stet" (ask to be left as is) and one or two passages to re-write. It was interesting because one of the readers of my ARC had personal experience growing up deaf and he helped me with some passages that didn't seem quite right to him. I had the chance to fix that at this stage and I feel good about that. He also mentioned that he really enjoyed the book and that I captured a lot of emotions and situations he could relate to. To be honest, I was really nervous that he might tell me I got everything all wrong, so this was a really nice note to receive!

(3) I'm in the way early stages of planning some events to celebrate the book launch. There will be lots of stuff here in PA and possibly a big event in NYC around mid-February. Exciting stuff!

Now, when will that baby get here? I'm getting hungry ...

Soooooo I figured I'd blog this even though it's pretty much a "you had to be there joke," based on the following information:
(1) Sarah Ockler hates watermelon, so book blogger & Ockler-stalker Sharon dared her to eat watermelon.
(2) Ockler did it & made a video because she's bad-ass. (See: Sarah Ockler Publicly Humiliates Herself to Sell Books)
(3) Sarah's editor's assistant T.S. Ferguson and I (and really everyone who sees it) find this video hilarious. I wanted to make one similar, but I pretty much find every food ever pretty tasty or at least tolerable. As I mentioned on Twitter the other day, I enjoy scrapple, a food actually defined as "a mush of pork scraps and trimmings."
(4) I asked T.S. what nasty food he thought I should eat, and he said "hey, your wife is having a baby, why not make a placenta burger!"
(5) I said yes, and called the hospital. The result is this. It's not a video of me eating a placenta, it's a video of me making a phone call. I have to say it went pretty well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu8O9fda_MM

Exciting times around here! I'm working on the next round of copy-edits for DARK DAYS while also waiting for my very pregnant wife to deliver any day. Rachel Hawkins mentioned on Twitter that it would be quite a sitcom scene if I was copy-editing frantically in the maternity ward, pencil in my teeth, papers flying everywhere, etc. while trying to catch a baby. Then we realized that if my life were a sitcom it would be called "Berkin' It UP" and Rachel would be my next-door neighbor who I fought with all the time. Shenanigoats would ensue.

This is (fictional) Hollywood, so in the sitcom I'm a big-city writer who moves to the suburbs looking for peace and quiet. What do I find? My arch nemesis writer had the same exact idea & now lives next door! I yell "Haaawkins" at her all the time. Trish Doller had the very fine idea that she (and her border collie) could be my other neighbors -- she's a slacker who always drops in to eat my food while I'm working on a deadline. Indeed, more shenanigoats.

So then my wife & I decided to record the theme song to Berkin' It UP! It came out pretty good. We were inspired by the greatest TV song ever, the theme to 1981's "The Greatest American Hero." Check it out! If I did this correctly, you should be able to click here to play in your browser or right click to save & it'll just open up in your iTunes or whatever.

Berkin it UP theme - mp3

(Starring the ghost of Peter Boyle as Josh Berk)


Berkin' it UP Lyrics:
We’re Berking it up, we’re a family of four
Josh’s nemesis Hawkins lives next door
He’s looking for quiet, he’s hoping to write
But she’s driving him nuts, he’s losing the fight

Trish and her dog are always dropping by
The dog takes a dump, Trish eats all his pie


Life’s pretty tough!
When you’re Berking it up!
Berk it up!
Berking it up!

One of the fun things debut authors do while patiently waiting for release day is to get google alerts on the title to see if anyone is talking about and/or selling the book. We love both, equally, really we do. My book has shown up for sale on some random websites, like this listing from MedIndia.net, India's #1 Health Website. Why is India's #1 Health Website carrying my book? I have no idea, and I truly hope no one looks in it for any medical advice, for they will find none. (The book does include some descriptions of how to say certain words in sign language, but I wouldn't call that medical advice, not really.)

One of the other fun links I got was to this page on Kids@Random. It's not surprising, really, because Random House is the parent company of my imprint (Knopf) and Young Adult books are part of the "Young Readers" group. So of course I'm on the Kids' page. But still it's a bit funny to me. I've never been exactly what you'd call "cool" or anything like that (shocking revelation, I know!) but I spent a lot of time in my youth on the fringes of underground art and music worlds, being kind of punk rock and stuff. I fancied myself edgy. And now my book is for sale on a web page with Elmo on it! Very hardcore street cred. A little weird. (Nothing against Elmo. I'm actually a big fan.)

Oh, and the book is for sale on the sites of a bunch of places in Canada. Hello, Canada! That is all.


BERK & ELMO, TOGETHER AT LAST

Today on the Berk blog we have author Saundra Mitchell! She rules. She writes books, she writes movies, she's a Deb, she calls me "Kittenface." (It's a long story, basically a spin-off of the great Ockler/Berk April Fool's prank where we pretended that my book's title was offensive and then also that my name was offensive. The book was to be renamed "A Novel" and I to "Kittenface.") Anyway, here's the official blurbage:

AUTHOR BIO

A screenwriter and author, Saundra Mitchell penned the screenplays for the Fresh Films and Girls in the Director's Chair short film series. Her short story "Ready to Wear" was nominated for a Pushcart Prize, and her first feature film, Revenge Ends, debuted on the festival circuit in 2008. In her free time, she enjoys ghost hunting, papermaking, and spending time with her husband and her two children. She lives in Indianapolis and welcomes you to visit her on the Web at www.saundramitchell.com.

THE BOOK

Nothing ever happened in Ondine, Louisiana, not even the summer Elijah Landry disappeared.

His mother knew he ascended to heaven, the police believed he ran away, and his girlfriend thought he was murdered.

Decades later, certain she saw his ghost in the town cemetery, fourteen-year-old Iris Rhame is determined to find out the truth behind "The Incident With the Landry Boy"

Enlisting the help of her best friend Collette, and forced to endure the company of Collette's latest crush, Ben, Iris spends a summer digging into the past and stirring old ghosts, in search of a boy she never knew.

What she doesn't realize is that in a town as small as Ondine, every secret is a family secret.

AND THE INTERVIEW
(1) Hey, you live in Indiana. A lot of my family lives there. Do you know my Uncle Jim? Nice guy, has a mustache?

Isn't he that dude who knocked over the Safeway for 2 bottles of Boone's Farm, a Chia Pet and a case of low-fat large-curd cottage cheese? He led police on a four-county chase and crashed his clown car in a pumpkin patch near Mooresville? No, no wait, that was your uncle Kirk, I remember! Man, that was a heckuva Sunday picnic though, wasn't it??

(2) Your very fine debut novel, SHADOWED SUMMER, has themes and characters of a ghostly nature. This of course leads me to ask: are you yourself a ghost?

Well, I *do* have this unfinished business to attend. The temperature of any given room drops by 20 degrees when I walk into it. Also, glasses keep dropping through my hand when I try to pick them up, but for some reason, I can push that little triangle on the Ouija board around just fine. But I assure you, I'm not a ghost.

(3) Follow-up: If you answered "no," are you sure? If you answered yes: aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Okay, yes, I am a ghost. Hey! When you scream like that, it sounds like this:


(4) If there's something weird and it don't look good who do you recommend one call?

Well, I usually call my mom. I'm like, "Hey ma, I've got this weird green and orange spot on my tongue, it don't look good. What should I do?" Or, "Hey ma, this guy Kirk Berk just busted up our picnic, and threatened us with a Chia Pet if we refused to make wine and cottage cheese smoothies with him, what should I do?"

But she's my mom- I can call her. You can't- so I would I recommend that *you* call McFly.


(5) You are known as a screenwriter in addition to being a novelist. I am working on a script for a movie, specifically a re-make of Jaws, but without the down ending. My film is more of a rom-com with the mayor marrying the shark at the end. Question 1: Isn't this a great idea for a movie? And 2: Can you think of anything that rhymes with "chum" for the big musical number at the end? (That's right, it's a musical.)

a) This is a brilliant idea. In fact, Hollywood called because they were like, "You know, now that we've made the Chipmunks Movie, and the George of the Jungle Movie, the Underdog movie and the Dudley Do-Right movie, and we're wrapping up pre-production on Hong Kong Phooey: The Movie*, we need a new visionary. Have you heard of this guy Kittenface Berk? Because we think we like the way he thinks." True story- this is what happens when their people call my people.

b) I don't know about rhyming with chum, but have I got a ballad for you!

(To the tune of Hey, There Delilah)

Hey there Roy Scheider, ain't this island awful pretty?
It's so peaceful here in Amity, not like an ugly city-
Don't you see- we're darling here and also quaint and twee,
Just like a quay!

Hey there Roy Scheider, is that a foot washed up on shore?
Is it just a youthful prank or do you think there might be more
to this isle? Dismemberment by teeth is mighty vile-
But wait a while-

Ohh, this shark was made for me!
Ohh, this shark was made for me!
This shark was made for me!

(6) How many of The Debs do you think I could beat at arm wrestling?

Four. But I'm sworn to the death not to say which four. And one of them absolutely is NOT Sarah Ockler. Or Sarah Cross. Or Sarah Quigley. Or Sarah MacLean. Or Sarah Rees Brennan. Ha ha ha, I've obfuscated you with Sarahs! SURRENDER!

(7) Does it make you feel good about yourself that your book has the power to give grown men nightmares? Not me of course, not any grown men in specifically such as me for example, just ghosts are scary, you know?

Awwww, that makes me feel terrible. I wish I knew which grown man had nightmares. I'd send him a consolation gift, like, an IOU for a hug and a Debs or Tenner novel of his choice to make the bad scary dreams go away. Too bad we don't know who this mystery man might be!


(8) Any news about your next book you'd like to share?

I would like to share that it's coming out in 2010! Unfortunately, that's not true- but Shadowed Summer will be out in paperback next June- now with 100% of exactly the same content as the hardcover!

*You thought I made that up, didn't you? As if. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/film/news/e3i7cc109eb3af4302c6b57c8606bf74a41

Thanks for this, Saundra! I knew the interview would be fun but I had no idea I would get a Jaws ballad out of it. Wow. Made my day. Y'all should buy her book!
BUY SHADOWED SUMMER AT INDIE BOUND

I had an eventful 4th and had my camera with me all day, which is something I don't usually do. I took various fun pictures of the neighborhood kids & my boy hanging out in the yard (check out how nicely mowed that grass is!) and of the Phillies game and of fireworks. We have a neighbor who does an extremely quality fireworks show in his backyard, complete with all sorts of illegal 'works the sort of which you usually only see at a city park or something. It's a whole big party with lots of seating and drinks and stuff. Pretty much every year the cops come & shut him down, but this year he made it through to the finale which was in fact grand!

The photo album for the day is here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2030272&id=1147550346&l=f0d84be288

Happy birthday, America.

The 1/2 year is something you stop celebrating when you're older than 7 or so, but it is exciting to those of us who have 2010 debuts & feel like it might never get here. My official count-down says 222 days for me, which is a cool number anyway. Until then, some little things have been happening on the book front, which I can report.

I. First of all, Random House Children's Books put out their Spring 2010 catalog. I scanned & posted my page to Facebook so some of you have already seen it. It has a fun description of the book (not written by me). It goes a little something like this:

Being a hefty, deaf newcomer almost makes Will Halpin the least popular guy at Coaler High. But when he befriends the only guy less popular than him, the dork-namic duo has the smarts and guts to figure out who knocked off the star quarterback. Will can’t hear what’s going on, but he’s a great observer. So, who did it? And why does that guy talk to his fingers? And will the beautiful girl ever notice him? (Okay, so Will’s interested in more than just murder . . .)

Those who prefer their heroes to be not-so-usual and with a side of wiseguy will gobble up this witty, geeks-rule debut.

Writers don't always love the descriptions of their books (nor do we write them ourselves, if you're wondering) but I feel like that's a great description! I'm very happy with it!

II. I still do not have any ARCs (advance copies) to share, but a few have been sent by my publisher out into the world. I feel a bit nervous about this because people who aren't related to me are now actually reading it, but the early word has been just great. I'm really beyond flattered by the wonderful write-ups you can find on the book's GoodReads page.

III. At the launch party for Cyn Balog's FAIRY TALE, I got to talk to the owner of Harleysville Books, an independent bookstore a few exits down the Turnpike from me. We talked about ways we can work together next year. I'm going to do some sort of author event at the store and also hopefully be part of a program there mentoring high school age writers. I'm excited about that and also to report that Harleysville Books will be selling autographed copies of the book. So if you don't see me in person all that often and would like an autographed copy, the best way to do that will be to buy a copy from the store's website. I'll have linkage and more info here & on my site once that starts.

IV. Some other author events are starting to take rough shape. I have one firm event: February 17, 2010 -- 7:00-9:00pm at the Bethlehem Area Public Library, which is going to be like my official book launch party. I'll tell stories and read from the book and sign copies. And yes, there will be cake. Some other local libraries have expressed interest in having me do a similar event & I also heard from an old friend from library school who is now a director of a library in Northeast Pennsylvania. The book is set up there in coal country so I definitely plan to head up there to her library and to a few others in the area. I was also just invited to an "author's reception" at a local school next spring! It's safe to assume that everyone in PA will be pretty well sick of me by the end of 2010! Which begins just a half-year away.

V. My tractor lawn-mower is doing fine & was in fact covered by the warranty. You were probably wondering.

Well, my shiny new tractor lawn mower broke. It was like the third time I used it. The culprit was a huge tree root which I did not see. I drove right over it and the stupid blade I guess thought this root was grass! So it tried to cut it. Which it could not do because it was one of those ridiculous old tree roots powerful enough to smash concrete. The blade stuck into the root and a belt snapped. Listen to me sounding mechanical! It was actually pretty easy to diagnose the problem because the belt broke in half and popped off the mower in pieces. It's a long, thin belt, and at first I thought it was a snake and I screamed a little. Make fun if you must, but we've had a ton of snakes in our yard this year for some reason.

So I had to mow the lawn with the old push mower, which was annoying because it was extremely hot and humid today. It's probably good though. I needed the exercise. I say this because I earlier mistakenly took one of my wife's maternity shirts out of the dryer and put it on and found it fit quite nicely. She's eight months pregnant, which makes me think that my belly is getting somewhat out of control. I blame all the cake. What cake, you ask? Cyn Balog's launch party cake!

Saturday was the launch party for Cyn's debut book, FAIRY TALE. I helped her set the party up using two of my fabulous skills: cake ordering and librarian-knowing. I recommended the Southern Lehigh Public Library because it is convenient to where Cyn lives and also because I know some librarians there and also know that they have a great room for hosting events. And they did! Cyn did a reading, which was great, and then she took questions from the audience. One guy asked if she bases her characters on real people in her life. This is a common question authors get asked, but what made it funny was that someone in the audience yelled out, "Do you mean is there a handsome uncle in the book?" I guess the questioner was Cyn's uncle and the whole thing cracked me up because it's totally the type of thing my family would do. I also think the phrase "handsome uncle" is inherently hilarious for reasons I can't quite explain.

The cake I ordered came out beautifully. I had the idea forever ago to make one of those photo cakes with her book cover since it's such a beautiful cover. (Whenever I see something beautiful I think "that would be great on a cake so I could eat it in frosting form.") I called the bakery well ahead, dropped off the CD well ahead, and so on. The only reason I mention this is that when I went to pick it up the people at the bakery stared at me like I was insane. They were like "we have no record of that cake." I was very confused and then they said, "Oh, they filed it for tomorrow's cakes. You clearly said Saturday but they filed the paper in the wrong spot." I was so bummed! But they offered to quickly make the cake while I waited and then gave me a discount and also added fancy little touches like purple ribbon and plastic purple butterflies to go with the book cover. I was uncharacteristically early so didn't end up being late to the party. And the cake looked so good! And the cake tasted good. It's not really why I'm fat, but I like a good segue.

Speaking of segues ... I got nothing.

This post would be better if I had pictures of the cake. Maybe I'll post some later, but I don't have any now. Basically, it looked like this, in cake form.


EDIT! I AM BAD AT SPELLING. FIXED. Also there is now a picture of the cake.

From Untitled Album

Cyn Balog is an oracle. True, there is fortune-telling in her book, but there also is something supernatural in her life, at least as it relates to me. When I met her (actually met in person! we live near each other) she was a few months pregnant and celebrating her first career milestone -- landing an agent. I was just beginning to think about getting an agent and also my wife had just become pregnant. Cyn and I exchanged e-mails after that meeting. She critiqued my work and encouraged me to continue. I can't say how important it was to me to have a writer with an agent and a completed novel take me seriously and encourage my work. She then helped me navigate the world of getting an agent and I was lucky enough to follow in her footsteps in that regard. Then she had her baby then of course we had our baby then she sold her first book (Random House) then I sold my first book (Random House) then she was expecting her second child and a few months later we were expecting our second child! Pretty much whatever happens to her happens to me, which is OK by me because she is a talented and awesome lady. Her future is bright and her literary career officially begins with her debut book, FAIRY TALE, launching on June 23! It's a YA about fairies (thanks for explaining that, Berk!) that's romantic and funny and everyone who reads it loves it. You should too! Here's some more info on it from Cyn's site: http://cynbalog.com/books

To celebrate the book launch, Cyn let me interview her for the Berk blog here even though my interviewing style is really obnoxious. She gave great answers! I think the idea of an "un-dedication" (wherein you can list people you wish to not thank but to publicly scold/shame) is going to take hold. I'm not saying writers are a spiteful people, but wouldn't it be sorta more fun than all the lovey-dovey stuff up front to list people you'd like to stick it to? That's right: stick it. She really dropped the ball on the last one though. Goober Berk? Oh well... Congrats to Cyn on the book! I wish only awesome things for you, and not at all because I want those things to happen to me. Read on ...

1. Remember Mr. O and that one lady and that thing? What were they even doing in there?
Um, plotting world domination.

2. How awesome am I? Feel free to use the words "slamming," "Berk-tastic," and "nice teeth."

Josh Berk is so awesome they came up with a new word to describe him; Berktastic. I especially like his 'fro and wish he would go back to it, because it was totally slamming. He also has nice teeth.

3. You're originally from Jersey? Is Jersey as weird as everyone says? Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

Jersey is really really weird. But I must confess it is less weird now that I am no longer living there. Coincidentally, at the same time Pennsylvania became just a little bit more weird.

4. I read on your website that you wrote a book about a crime-solving cat when you were little. Was this book called "The Purrrr-fect Crime?" If not, why not? Please answer with at least one awful cat-related pun.

Well, no... if I was as Berktastic as you are, I might have come up with that title. Instead it was just called Irving, which was the name of the cat. He was kind of a rip-off of Garfield, but in my ten-year-old mind, I thought he was way more interesting because he could solve crimes. If I do send it on to my agent I believe I will probably use that title... do you mind? Because it really is the cat's meow.

5. Was FAIRY TALE a book that required a lot of research? Do you enjoy that step? (What? A serious question? Did I just blow your mind?)

I conferred with fairies all over the country before writing FAIRY TALE. They're kind of jerks. But that's fine because I hate research, and I was able to make them all look really stupid in the book.

6. I am really in awe of you for writing your second book while pregnant! How has it been writing while preggers and don't you think you should give the baby co-author credit?

It pretty much sucks. I wrote the whole first draft while pregnant and had to scrap the entire thing. Turns out I become really morbid and dark and hopeless when I am pregnant, which probably reflects my inner knowledge that I will never be a contestant on America's Next Top Model in this whale-like state. I'm working on revisions right now for SLEEPLESS in between contractions, which is not really all the fun I dreamed it would be. So I would say that this kid is getting NO credit for helping. In fact, I might ask my editor for a page in the book for an un-dedication, with her name on it, and the name of my sixth-grade English teacher, who was really scary and mean. Do they do that?

7. Is FAIRY TALE the type of book that will make readers cry? (I cry at everything.)

Berk will cry big, girly tears, but everyone else will probably make it through unscathed.

8. Finish this sentence: "If I were to write a book totally different than the books I've written thus far, it would be because I secretly want to write a book about: ______"

Josh Berk? I know that's what you wanted me to say, but it is the truth. I am sure many other people have that idea as well but you can never have enough good books on him. (ed. note: This is really not what I was going for, but I can't say that I disagree.)

9. Finish this sentence: "A book that everyone should buy next year is THE DARK DAYS OF _________ HALPIN by _____ Berk."

What is this thing you speak of? THE DARK DAYS OF __Goober_ HALPIN by _Goober_ Berk. I just like that word a lot. It's Berktastic.

Thanks, Cyn!!

BUY FAIRY TALE

OK, sorry that the last post was depressing. From your comments I have learned that people don't turn to the Berk to be depressed, they turn to the Berk for TMI bathroom stories, MC Hammer references, pictures of things my dogs have eaten, weird inside jokes, and tractor tales. And for Berk-centric publishing-type news. Today we have a few items all falling into the final category (sorry, Hammer fans).

(1) "Waiting on Wednesday" is a thing book bloggers do where each Wednesday they blog about a book they are waiting for. Aren't you glad I explained that? So complicated. Anyway, my book was given a WoW mention at the very cool blog Dissecting Perfection. It was her first "Waiting on" post & I'm flattered to be on there with fellow Tenner Lindsay Eland & the very impressive Maggie Stiefvater, whose last name is pronounced "Steve-Otter." (Hey, I know an Otter named Steve.) Here's the WoW link: http://dissectingperfection.wordpress.com/2009/06/10/waiting-on-wednesday-week-1/

(2) I'm part of the Take the Dare: Show You Care fund-raiser hosted by Cynthea Liu as part of her book's launch party. Probably you have heard of this already because Cynthea is a genius at getting the word out about her many fine projects, but here's the direct link to my involvement if you're curious. She makes me sound so awesome! (I told you this post would be Berk-centric) and it's for a very good cause, raising money for a school that could sure use it -- http://www.cynthealiu.com/author-josh-berk/. Please bid on/buy stuff!

(3) Someone reviewed my book on Goodreads & said nice things! I'm not really sure how they read the book yet, but since they had nice things to say, we won't look into that too much. The whole review can be found here. Excerpt: "What's so impressive about Dark Days is the way Josh Berk takes this character whose life is kind of a bummer, and gives him a voice that is fresh, funny and totally believable." Thanks!

(4) My ARCs are coming soon! ARCs (advance reading copies) are sent out to early reviewers and other folks to generate interest in the book. It's also the first time the author gets to see his/her book as an actual printed and bound book (as opposed to a file on their computer or print-out from said file). It will have the cover & all the little design elements such as font, etc. Do authors get excited about things like font choice? Yes. I'm excited for all of it! Should be here soon.

(5) I have had a lot of ideas about a new book that I'm quite excited about. Of course, this always happens when there is something else I'm supposed to be working on. I know it's not the best use of my time, but it's still a thrill when these new ideas start churning.

All good news!

This edition of "Overheard in Allentown" is not nearly as funny as the one about that lady at the mall with the parrot on her shoulder. It's actually just depressing, but I feel compelled to share for some reason:



"How you doing?"
"Doing OK, busy, business be booming."
(Me, listening, thinking 'hurray, someone's business is doing well despite all the terrible news I keep hearing.')
"What you doing these days?"
"I work for the electric company, man. Running round shutting off power to everyone who can't pay their bills. There be tons of 'em! Business be booming."
"Oh man."
"Yeah, it's really sad. Ain't nobody can pay their bills no more."

On Saturday (5/30/09) I went to Book Expo, which is like an expo of books. (Genius!) It's basically a trade show for the publishing biz where publishers get bookstores, libraries, etc. excited about new stuff. There's lots of other business that goes on as well as fun schmoozing. I went as a librarian but since so many of my writer friends were there I used the day as an opportunity to meet in person some writer folks I've only met online. I first met up with fellow Tenner Anna Jarzab. Anna rules! Her blog on the day is a great breakdown of the event and since we spent a good chunk of the day together, I shall direct you to her blog -- http://www.annajarzab.com/2009/05/30/beawesome. Yes, this is lazy of me, but Anna is hilarious & why should I lamely write about what she already awesomely wrote about? I'll just cut straight to the vigorous name-dropping.

I accosted BEA staple Dr. Ruth (see picture!), and got autographs from Pulitzer Prize Winner Tracy Kidder & Michael Muhammad Knight, author of The Taqwacores.

Anna and I also talked to Elizabeth Law (publisher of Egmont), Sarah Cross, Ally Carter, Jennifer Lynn Barnes, Megan Crewe, Aprilynne Pike, Jon Skovron, Jenny Moss, Pam Bachorz, Neesha Meminger, and Michelle Zink. Many of those names may be familiar to some of you as Debs (also known as the 2009 Debutants -- authors with '09 debuts). That's because Anna and I pretty much crashed the Debs lunch! Actually I wasn't totally crashing it; Neesha said I could come. Thanks, Neesha! You are the best. It was a great lunch and the company was incredible! I only wish I could have stayed longer, but Anna had a panel to attend and I had a "business meeting" with my pal Chris Richman from Firebrand. I barely had time to breathe and it was time for the bus back to PA. It was a great day!

Oh, and yes, I got some ARCs of CATCHING FIRE. No big whoop. Good times!

This is the first-ever interview of an author on my blog! We have with us here today Mandy Hubbard, author of Prada & Prejudice, a Razorbill YA book coming out on June 11, 2009. It's fun and funny and it's got dukes in it and all the romance of the regency era. (Like how I used the word "regency" there even though I have no idea what it means?) Official blurb:


To impress the popular girls on a high school trip to London, klutzy Callie buys real Prada heels. But trying them on, she trips…conks her head…and wakes up in the year 1815!

There Callie meets Emily, who takes her in, mistaking her for a long-lost friend. As she spends time with Emily’s family, Callie warms to them—particularly to Emily’s cousin Alex, a hottie and a duke, if a tad arrogant.

But can Callie save Emily from a dire engagement, and win Alex’s heart, before her time in the past is up?

On to the questions!

(1) I heard that you hate adverbs. Why do you hate adverbs? What did adverbs ever do to you?

They're fine, in moderation. But too many, and it means an author got lazy. What's more descriptive: She stomps away or she "walks away angrily"? I think if an author strives to find a more active way to showcase a verb, they don't need adverbs at all. Plus, I read Stephen King's memoir "ON WRITING", and I like the way he said, "ADVERBS PAVE THE ROAD TO HELL." It cracked me up!


(2) I've never read Pride and Prejudice. Is that like good or whatever?

Dude, its the best book ever written. Better than TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD. Or whatever.


(3) Seriously, what does "regency" mean?

Regency England covers the time when the King was deemed unfit to rule and thus his son, the prince, ruled in his place and was known as a "prince regent." In other words, it was the most romantic time period ever. I swear. Apparently Earls and Dukes and such ran amock. And fell in love. In droves.


(4) Is it fun naming Dukes? It seems like it would be fun. What were some other names you considered for the Duke of Harksbury?

It's tons of fun. Though I kind of stole "Harksbury" from a book I wrote years ago (called THE BROKEN ROAD). It's possibly the only make-believe term in PRADA & PREJUDICE. So if you see HARKSBURY used anywhere else, I'm totally suing. In the orignal fic, Alex's name was Logan.

(5) Am I correct that you are writing a book about NASCAR? Please to explain.

Yes. It's for Harlequin, and it comes out June 2010. It's about a girl named Mia (20 years old) who falls for a jackman (Seth) on a rival NASCAR team. She's the only female mechanic in NASCAR.

I once took a yearlong welding class in high school and was the only girl in the course. I definitely identify with her.

(6) Do you also have another YA book on the way?

I do. Hopefully in 2010, though we're still working on the details. My website - mandyhubbard.com - is the best place to find up to date information!


(7) We have a friend in common, Cyn Balog! I know this interview is all about you & your fab book, but Cyn helped me early in my career and I have to mention her every time I do an interview. Seriously. I HAVE to. She makes me. Seriously: I am frightened. (Totally kidding! Cyn is very nice. She really did help me out though.) Anyway, how do you know her?

Cyn is quite possibly the most important person in the world for my writing career. We "met" in late 2005, on Livejournal. We decided to be critque partners. Months later, I introduced her to my then-agent, who ended up selling her debut novel. It was MONTHS after her sale before I got mine, but crazily enough, my book comes out a week or two before hers. If not for her and the 999 emails we exchange, I would have already lost my mind.

(8) Congrats again on the book & thanks for stopping by the Berk Blog! That wasn't really a question, but feel free to respond.

I got nothin.

Thanks, Mandy! This was really fun! Any other authors who want to be asked possibly insane questions by me, let me know!
BUY PRADA & PREJUDICE FROM INDIEBOUND.ORG

Writing one chapter a day maybe doesn't seem that hard, but I've been a bit stuck on my second book. I think that book #2 is a head-trip for a lot of writers. Writing has officially gone from a hobby to a job. Even if it's not your day job that pays your bills (it doesn't for me) and even if it's totally your dream job (for me it is!) it still is very different to be writing a book as a semi-professional writer as opposed to just a dude with a Word Processor and a dream.

I really need to finish this book soon because my already crazy life (a day job, a toddler, a writing "career") is about to get a lot crazier! Baby #2 is due in August which means that book #2 must be finished before then! And like I said, book #2 is a bit of a head trip. All these questions (mainly of the "is this good enough?" variety) are bouncing around in my head these days. While writing book #1 I was blissfully unaware of what actually goes into writing a book -- all the writing, re-writing, re-re-writing, etc. -- and I just wrote. Sure I often thought "is this good enough?" back then, but it didn't matter. Not really. I didn't have the voice of agents and editors in my head as I wrote. I just wrote for me. That, of course, has all changed! I haven't exactly had writer's block, but I have pretty much just been coming up with any reason imaginable not to put my butt in the chair for the hours required to finish this book.

That is changing as of now!

Two Tenners/writer friends Trish Doller and Suzanne Young were doing a "chapter a day challenge" a little while ago where they challenged (forced) each other write a chapter a day no matter what. Again, it might not seem that hard, but some days you really don't want to face that manuscript & it can be really beneficial to have a friend encouraging/scolding you to get to it. There is no real punishment for not finishing, other than having Suz yell at you, which honestly is terrifying. It is probably actually the scariest thing on Earth.

So I asked Trish to bring back the chapter a day challenge. She wrote about it on FB/twitter & lots of writers quickly signed on! We're using this long weekend as an excuse to do at least one chapter (which for me is about 1,000 words or so) a day. I did one yesterday (Friday) and will be so happy to have four chapters done when it's back to work on Tuesday. A bunch of us are posting updates (in between working!) on Twitter. Search #chapterchallenge if you want to see how it's going. (Sorry, Teri, that we're twittering. I really am.)

I think this is the list of writers who are participating. Let me know if I missed you. And see you Tuesday. I look forward to hearing about the 4 great chapters you finished. Happy writing & pass me the coffee!

Berk
Bracken
Cassidy
Doller
Fitzgerald
Hall
Hawkins
Kling
Meminger
Neumeyer
Perkovich
Rensberger
Scaletta
Spalding
Vivelo
Young